Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Need to Write This So I Can Keep Going

Oh, hi there Dreamers! Decided to write this because my mind is such a mess, over-thinking about my own life and the so called my passion- blogging. There are a lot of things running in my mind right now, mostly not that important actually, hahaha. I don't even know if I'm on PMS or just being annoyed with everything. I started crying as my bad PMS a few months back and it's just...weird, lol. I'm a crybaby to begin with, so yeah.... whatever.
I'm on this phase where I doubt my blogging passion. I used to do it because I love it, a lot. But you know, nowadays this blog is also one of my income source, and it makes me comparing my progress with another bloggers- which is not good, toxic, and killing me. I do feel guilty when I write too many sponsored posts in one time, but I also need money to make my traveling dreams come true (I try to be realistic too). That's why I try really hard to balance out my blog with personal posts like outfit post or traveling/ Japan posts. I mean, I really try hard because I also work full time and I'll be tired when I got home and don't want to do anything (okay, this sounds like stupid excuse but I think anyone who works in Jakarta will feel me). I feel like I lost my actual purpose of blogging. Why do I feel down whenever others "do better" than me? I mean, it's not that I'm doing bad. I'm doing good, I know God has planned everything, but just....full of negativity and I hate it. I want to be more grateful and positive blogger- or person. 
One of many things that lingering in my mind right now is Instagram growth. I know, I know number is just a number. But it's super heartbreaking to see your stuck progress- gain some followers to lost more followers. It's also every bloggers problem, and IG algorithm to blame. To be frank, I won't buy any (fake) followers because I mean, what's the point? From brand's point of view, number of your followers does affect their decision to use you or not. This is my exact problem, I need to stop thinking that I'm doing all of this for business sake. I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF THAT I BLOG BECAUSE I LOVE IT. I NEED TO KEEP DOING WHAT I CAN DO, WITH MY BEST EFFORT. See, I feel like crying HAHAHA. I need to go back on track and find my motivation again. No more negativity and crazy mood swings. I wish. 
So, thank you if you're reading to this point. And sorry if this post is so negative and full of whining  :))) I wish I can overcome this very fast and giving my very berry bestttt ๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช  I feel better now, hahaha.

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